FUNNY QUOTES

Gordon Strachan.

Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney: "Its an incredible
rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael
Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the
England squad?
Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job - so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result? (4-1 win)
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a
yoghurt to finish - the expiry date is today. That can be my priority
rather than
Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to
get your first win under your belt, won't you?

Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to
bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home,
become an alcoholic and maybe! jump off a bridge.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm
going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man,
down.

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big ******* green one out there....

Various

"Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!"
Frank Carson.

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time.
Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git."
Alexai Sayle.

"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
Al Capone.

 "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very
light  I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
Alicia Silverstone, Actress
 

"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962
 

"I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
Julian Wakefield, basketball player

"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
George Burns.

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobel

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
George Bush snr
 

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
Dwight Eisenhower

"At every crisis the Kaiser crumpled. In defeat he fled; in revolution he abdicated; in exile he remarried."
Winston Churchill.

"Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!"
Steve Martin.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
 

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
Everett Dirksen, Congressman

"Boxing’s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or
20 rounds."
Frank Bruno, Boxer

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super
Bowl."
Bill Peterson, football coach

"The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards."
Billy Connolly.

"The most hazardous part of our expedition to Africa was crossing Piccadilly Circus."
Joseph Thomson.

"The internet is a great way to get on the net"
 Bob Dole, Republicanpresidential candidate

"Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country."
Ian Rush.

"The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi."
Bill Gullickson.

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."
Paul Newman.

Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn:
"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddy Fanny Sunneson lining up shots at the Scottish Open:
Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

Soccer commentator George Hamilton getting excited about Spainish manager Luis Suarez making a substitution in
the world cup qualifier against Ireland :
"He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!"

Race ace Jenson Button talking about driving in high winds:
"It was like my helmet was being sucked off."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at the Gran Prix, asked:
"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Andrea McLean was starting a men's bike race on GMTV when she told competitors:
"When I give you the horn, you have to go for it."

Harry Carpenter commentating on the boat race:
" Ahh, isn't that nice? The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

David Coleman:
"That's the fastest time ever run, but it's not as fast as the world
record."

Chris Tarrant was trying to help a female contestant name a famous motor-racing
commentator. The answer was Murray Walker so Chris said:
"I'll give you a clue, his name sounds like something hard that tastes good when you suck it." "Ah," she replied. "It must be Dickie Davies."